National Weather Service Calls the End Times for New Orleans

Got this right from their website. This is SO NOT A HOAX.

EXTREMELY DANGEROUS HURRICANE KATRINA CONTINUES TO APPROACH THE MISSISSIPPI RIVER DELTA

DEVASTATING DAMAGE EXPECTED

MOST OF THE AREA WILL BE UNINHABITABLE FOR WEEKS...PERHAPS LONGER. AT LEAST ONE HALF OF WELL CONSTRUCTED HOMES WILL HAVE ROOF AND WALL FAILURE. ALL GABLED ROOFS WILL FAIL...LEAVING THOSE HOMES SEVERELY DAMAGED OR DESTROYED.

THE MAJORITY OF INDUSTRIAL BUILDINGS WILL BECOME NON FUNCTIONAL. PARTIAL TO COMPLETE WALL AND ROOF FAILURE IS EXPECTED. ALL WOOD FRAMED LOW RISING APARTMENT BUILDINGS WILL BE DESTROYED. CONCRETE BLOCK LOW RISE APARTMENTS WILL SUSTAIN MAJOR DAMAGE...INCLUDING SOME WALL AND ROOF FAILURE.

HIGH RISE OFFICE AND APARTMENT BUILDINGS WILL SWAY DANGEROUSLY...A FEW TO THE POINT OF TOTAL COLLAPSE. ALL WINDOWS WILL BLOW OUT.

AIRBORNE DEBRIS WILL BE WIDESPREAD...AND MAY INCLUDE HEAVY ITEMS SUCH AS HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES AND EVEN LIGHT VEHICLES. SPORT UTILITY VEHICLES AND LIGHT TRUCKS WILL BE MOVED. THE BLOWN DEBRIS WILL CREATE ADDITIONAL DESTRUCTION. PERSONS...PETS...AND LIVESTOCK EXPOSED TO THE WINDS WILL FACE CERTAIN DEATH IF STRUCK.

POWER OUTAGES WILL LAST FOR WEEKS...AS MOST POWER POLES WILL BE DOWN AND TRANSFORMERS DESTROYED. WATER SHORTAGES WILL MAKE HUMAN SUFFERING INCREDIBLE BY MODERN STANDARDS.

THE VAST MAJORITY OF NATIVE TREES WILL BE SNAPPED OR UPROOTED. ONLY THE HEARTIEST WILL REMAIN STANDING...BUT BE TOTALLY DEFOLIATED. FEW CROPS WILL REMAIN. LIVESTOCK LEFT EXPOSED TO THE WINDS WILL BE KILLED.

Cats In Sinks

Gee, guess what this site is about...

Aeon Flux Trailer

Charlize Theron is teh seksi!

Uhhhh, okay.

There are two things to consider with this post.

One is that there is someone out there weird enough to make spandex-erific outfits based on superhero costumes.

The second is that this dude really should have given some thought to how to cover his penis (must have been a little chilly in that room). Picture pops to full photo. Slightly NSFCish.

I LOVE These Parents!!!

So their two sons stayed up late to watch the Texas Chainsaw Cheerleader Massacre, or some such silliness.

Watch the evilness that they display.

THEY ROCK!

A Celebration of Non-Penetration!

Brought to you by the man who started all this.

A Little Perspective

Do you know what $87 BILLION looks like?



Don't be scared, people, this is just your government hard at work.

Akira-Like Bikes

These bikes look AWESOME. More styles by clicking the picture. Too bad it's a hoax though.

What's Your Poison?

You have a favorite drink... and you love it so much that if you died drinking it you wouldn't care. Or would you? This will tell you the magic number to shoot for (or stay clear of).

Nike Makes Contacts Like Sunglasses

OMG, I want some!!!

Mad Skills with Quarters

You know how to play quarters, right? You bounce them off the table and try to get them in the shot glass.

This kid will kick your motherfucking punk-ass with his mad motherfucking quarter skills. I am so not kidding. Watch it to the end. You will know it to be true.

Don't Piss Off The Utilities Companies

Or your name might be changed to "Bitch Dog" or "Scrotum Bag".

Deuce 2

(Because there were so many unanswered questions from the first one.)



I am no fan of crude humor movies. While they can SOMETIMES get me to giggle, the majority of the time I am simply embarassed on behalf of the actor.

So it's no surprise that I have ZERO interest in seeing Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo. Particularly since I ignored the first one.

I did happen to find this review from Roger Ebert beyond funny...

The movie created a spot of controversy last February. According to a story by Larry Carroll of MTV News, Rob Schneider took offense when Patrick Goldstein of the Los Angeles Times listed this year's Best Picture Nominees and wrote that they were "ignored, unloved and turned down flat by most of the same studios that ... bankroll hundreds of sequels, including a follow-up to 'Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo,' a film that was sadly overlooked at Oscar time because apparently nobody had the foresight to invent a category for Best Running Penis Joke Delivered by a Third-Rate Comic."

Schneider retaliated by attacking Goldstein in full-page ads in Daily Variety and the Hollywood Reporter. In an open letter to Goldstein, Schneider wrote: "Well, Mr. Goldstein, I decided to do some research to find out what awards you have won. I went online and found that you have won nothing. Absolutely nothing. No journalistic awards of any kind ... Maybe you didn't win a Pulitzer Prize because they haven't invented a category for Best Third-Rate, Unfunny Pompous Reporter Who's Never Been Acknowledged by His Peers."

Reading this, I was about to observe that Schneider can dish it out but he can't take it. Then I found he's not so good at dishing it out, either. I went online and found that Patrick Goldstein has won a National Headliner Award, a Los Angeles Press Club Award, a RockCritics.com award, and the Publicists' Guild award for lifetime achievement.

Schneider was nominated for a 2000 Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor, but lost to Jar-Jar Binks.

But Schneider is correct, and Patrick Goldstein has not yet won a Pulitzer Prize. Therefore, Goldstein is not qualified to complain that Columbia financed "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo" while passing on the opportunity to participate in "Million Dollar Baby," "Ray," "The Aviator," "Sideways" and "Finding Neverland." As chance would have it, I have won the Pulitzer Prize, and so I am qualified. Speaking in my official capacity as a Pulitzer Prize winner, Mr. Schneider, your movie sucks.

All Bets Are Off! I'm Going With WALKEN in 2008!

Fuck 'em all, I'll vote for HIM.

OMG, I HATE HER

I'm not a huge fan of hers, but there is no denying that she has the hottest driver's license photo I've ever seen in my life.

Placenta Chair

I'm not sure I'm comfortable buying a chair named after a placenta, but it sure looks comfy.

Streaker Scores!

This is friggin' GREAT! This streaking chick runs onto the soccer field (football field for all those outside the US) and actually does something even COOLER than running around naked!

(I hate having to reset all the crap to get a decent screenshot from a video, so just click the link. This is, in fact, NOT SAFE FOR CHILDREN.)

Reporter Gets High?

Sketch comedy, very funny. Via Hedonistica (Click play button)

What the HELL happened THERE?

Celebrities As Kids

My daughter kind of looks like Bjork did when she was a kid, but my girl smiles a lot more.

Demi Moore looks like a total geekette. Whole lotta people you know. Check it out.